the water bearer

just the touch of the keys on my fingertips makes me shiver

it's like a flow of cold water running frantically through my veins

it feels like i'm going with it

dissolving in water

im water

its cold

water coming out of my eyes is warm

i wanna let go of it

the pain

control

just take me to the river

it feels like my mother's womb

oh, how i've missed it.

i had to learn to be everything i lacked

i tried

and because im doomed to bear the ocean in my heart

it is too much too heavy

but how would i ever give up the seas?

when they're everything there is

its scary its dark

yet its all there is

bearing all the water has made me feel small

im tiny a tiny bit of teardrop in this immensity

i welcome the water even though im drowning in it

am i too brave or too stupid

whatever i am i cant be anything else apart from

a vessel a water bearer

i bear our ambiguity

my own is already too much

but these waters, though rough

are known to me

yours are not

yet i've jumped in it

im scared too

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